Vee (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} evenpr) wrote,@ 2002-07-12 22:00:00 |
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the support of surrogate families
I've wanted to write, but have not had much time. And now that I do, I don't know what to say. I had some ideas for entries - more philosophical, retrospective things than the usual mental ramblings - but they have all escaped me. I am thinking of last night, though. My mom and I went out for sushi, and afterwards decided to call the Mahers. Siobhain picked up. So weird to hear her voice. Such a hardcore RI accent, I never noticed before. Then again, I hadn't talked to her in five years. And before that another five years.
They had moved, around the time I last saw them, and she gave me directions. My mom had her car, I had Kerry and Laird's Jeep. When we got there, Trudy was at the door to greet us. Then, Dennis. They look the absolute same - a bit older, but that's it. Dennis still hasn't lost even a touch of his brogue - which was comforting and nostalgic. Siobhain came out as we went inside. After hug and "good to see you" exchanges, we settled down to talk. Dennis, very proud of his basement/bar, showed it to me. After our initial hug and cheek peck, he asked me how old I was now. "21." This brought forth a second, more vehement hug and peck. Downstairs, he told me he was just leaving for work, but that we ought to come and visit when he was free - Friday or Saturday.
Okay, then we settled down to talk. But not before the half and halfs. I wasn't going to have any but saw they had Harp and immediately my small amount of self-control evanesced! I was feeling like shit, though, and didn't have too much because I knew I had to drive back to CT. But I had enough to relax, not be in tremendous pain, and smoke several of my mom's cigarettes.
But relaxing, that's almost mandatory there. Still, years later and in a different house, I felt just at home as I did for so long, so long ago, after the initial re-welcoming. The Guinness coupled with this found me saying things I normally wouldn't think of or just normally wouldn't say. It found me fully in the moment, contemplating or analyzing little, just enjoying the company of and reminiscing with the two women members of the family who, fifteen years ago, adopted me as one of their own and with whom I spent some of my happiest moments.
It is great to have people like that. People one has known for so long and was so close to and even though that was years, lifetimes ago, one can always see them again and pick up right where they left off. Friends for life, indeed. Real family. Not by blood, but by a bond much stronger.
And often, with people one wouldn't think one would connect with if they met now. Siobhain, for example. When we were kids we were inseparable. I moved away and we kept in touch sporadically, and life found us on very different paths, and as very different people. I don't know what would pass between us now if we met for the first time - perhaps nothing. And, as she is stranger to me in many ways, our interacting has taught me how to get along with someone so different. And not just get along, as in hold a polite conversation with - I mean really connect with, really understand. That is difficult for me, especially lately, being so absorbed in my own path. So this was a great lesson, one I will possibly always refer to.
And now, I am at the home of other "friends for life" - the Hoppers. I grew up with them, and now their kids - especially Roseanna - are growing up with me, and I will always be in her life, in some form or another, as her parents were for me, as the Mahers were. Even if I am leaving for the next few years, I will make sure she knows that I will always be there for her.
Lord, this sounds so sappy! But I can't help it. During a time when I need support, even if it's indirect, I am getting it from sometimes the unlikeliest of places. And even if it isn't present in my every day life, the knowledge of it will always be within me.
And sometimes... sometimes people who are only in one's life for a short period of time, and very distantly at that, still manage to have a tremendous effect on one.
But that's another story entirely and I'm not ready to give credit for that just yet.
I've wanted to write, but have not had much time. And now that I do, I don't know what to say. I had some ideas for entries - more philosophical, retrospective things than the usual mental ramblings - but they have all escaped me. I am thinking of last night, though. My mom and I went out for sushi, and afterwards decided to call the Mahers. Siobhain picked up. So weird to hear her voice. Such a hardcore RI accent, I never noticed before. Then again, I hadn't talked to her in five years. And before that another five years.
They had moved, around the time I last saw them, and she gave me directions. My mom had her car, I had Kerry and Laird's Jeep. When we got there, Trudy was at the door to greet us. Then, Dennis. They look the absolute same - a bit older, but that's it. Dennis still hasn't lost even a touch of his brogue - which was comforting and nostalgic. Siobhain came out as we went inside. After hug and "good to see you" exchanges, we settled down to talk. Dennis, very proud of his basement/bar, showed it to me. After our initial hug and cheek peck, he asked me how old I was now. "21." This brought forth a second, more vehement hug and peck. Downstairs, he told me he was just leaving for work, but that we ought to come and visit when he was free - Friday or Saturday.
Okay, then we settled down to talk. But not before the half and halfs. I wasn't going to have any but saw they had Harp and immediately my small amount of self-control evanesced! I was feeling like shit, though, and didn't have too much because I knew I had to drive back to CT. But I had enough to relax, not be in tremendous pain, and smoke several of my mom's cigarettes.
But relaxing, that's almost mandatory there. Still, years later and in a different house, I felt just at home as I did for so long, so long ago, after the initial re-welcoming. The Guinness coupled with this found me saying things I normally wouldn't think of or just normally wouldn't say. It found me fully in the moment, contemplating or analyzing little, just enjoying the company of and reminiscing with the two women members of the family who, fifteen years ago, adopted me as one of their own and with whom I spent some of my happiest moments.
It is great to have people like that. People one has known for so long and was so close to and even though that was years, lifetimes ago, one can always see them again and pick up right where they left off. Friends for life, indeed. Real family. Not by blood, but by a bond much stronger.
And often, with people one wouldn't think one would connect with if they met now. Siobhain, for example. When we were kids we were inseparable. I moved away and we kept in touch sporadically, and life found us on very different paths, and as very different people. I don't know what would pass between us now if we met for the first time - perhaps nothing. And, as she is stranger to me in many ways, our interacting has taught me how to get along with someone so different. And not just get along, as in hold a polite conversation with - I mean really connect with, really understand. That is difficult for me, especially lately, being so absorbed in my own path. So this was a great lesson, one I will possibly always refer to.
And now, I am at the home of other "friends for life" - the Hoppers. I grew up with them, and now their kids - especially Roseanna - are growing up with me, and I will always be in her life, in some form or another, as her parents were for me, as the Mahers were. Even if I am leaving for the next few years, I will make sure she knows that I will always be there for her.
Lord, this sounds so sappy! But I can't help it. During a time when I need support, even if it's indirect, I am getting it from sometimes the unlikeliest of places. And even if it isn't present in my every day life, the knowledge of it will always be within me.
And sometimes... sometimes people who are only in one's life for a short period of time, and very distantly at that, still manage to have a tremendous effect on one.
But that's another story entirely and I'm not ready to give credit for that just yet.
